Gasping
by meektester866
Summary: Emily thought that everything was going to be okay, but she has been proved wrong. Now she has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to Paige. The path is hard and dark, is there the light at the end of the tunnel? Emily-centric. Sequel to 'Breathing Again'.
1. Chapter I

**Chapter I**

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Thirty seven minutes. That's how long you've been sitting there. The clock being your only companion in this eternal wait.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Forty two minutes. Nobody tells you anything. You don't know anything. You have to wait, they told you that much. And that's what you're doing: you are waiting.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Forty nine minutes. When they called you, you just froze on your spot. You stood there, listening to them. All you could do was wondering why.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Fifty five minutes. You didn't have time to think, you had to go. It got you more than an hour to realize it doesn't matter why. Nothing matters. Nothing but her.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and one minute. Pru finally arrives and she sits next to you. You share a look, but you don't talk, you don't even say a word. There's nothing to say, your eyes already tell enough.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and thirteen minutes. She slips her hand into yours and looks at you. You don't look back, but you squeezes her hand. You're not alone.

Tic. Tic. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and twenty seven minutes. You close your eyes. This feeling of nothingness is eating you inside. You don't dare to feel anything else. You don't dare to do anything.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and thirty five minutes. You shouldn't have let her go. If you hadn't, now she would be okay. You would have cuddled all day. You would have made love over and over again. You would have made up for the lost time. But you've let her go and now she's hurt. It's all your fault.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and forty three minutes. It's your fault. Your eyes start to waver, but you won't let the tears fall. You won't. You can't.

"It's okay to cry, you know?"

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and forty four minutes. No, it's not. It's not okay. You can't cry. You caused all this, you're not allowed to cry. But she can.

"So why don't you?"

She looks down and doesn't answer. You look the other away.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

One hour and fifty one minutes. You should probably call Caleb to inform him. You scroll your contact list and find his number. You stare at his name on the screen: how can you tell someone things like this? How can you tell Caleb something like this? You switch your phone off.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Two hours and eight minutes. You hear your name being called and you turn your head in the direction of the voice. Here there are the doctors. You stand up immediately and you approach them, heart on your throat. Pru follows right behind you.

"Miss Fields?", you nod, "We've been allowed to tell you about the patient's condition by her father."

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Two hours and fourteen minutes. They make you sit, they tell you about all injuries Paige reported. Cracked ribs. Broken leg. Dislocated shoulder. Scratches on the whole body. But that's not all, you know that.

Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac. Tic. Tac.

Two hours and eighteen minutes. You stare at them. You feel like they are trying to find the right words to say something completely wrong. But they're aware that there isn't a right way.

"We are sorry to inform you that she is in a coma."

The clock has just reset to zero.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **The show and its characters do not belong to me.

**Author's note: **Hello, I'm back. How are you? It's been so long.

Short chapter, I know, but you know that's how I write, right?  
Well, at least we found out what happened to Paige. And hey, I could never kill of one of my favorite characters. Or maybe I could, who knows?  
She is in a coma, however, and that's not going to be easy for anyone. So be ready to make this journey with Emily. We have to be strong.

Okay, dramatic moment over. I think I will update depending on how much I wrote the chapter before, like, this is a short chapter so the next will be coming within a week/ten days, but if the chapter is long (for my standards) it will take more.

Let me know what you think of it.

_See ya,_

_Meek._


	2. Chapter II

Guess what? The paragraph in _italics _is a flashback. Oh, I know you are surprised!

* * *

**Chapter II**

"Hi."

You wait for an answer that doesn't come. You are only met by silence. It feels like someone just punched you in the gut: she can't answer, she never will. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You get close to her and you stare at her for a few seconds. She looks so beautiful even though all those scratches on her face. You touch softly the deepest of them, this will leave a scar. You smile slightly remembering how much she liked scars on the eyebrow. Now she has one, too. You rub it for one last time before leaning in to kiss her on the lips gently.

"I'm sorry."

You had to say that, you need her to know that. You know it's not going to change anything, but you need to know you're sorry. Your eyes start to waver and it doesn't matter how much you try to control yourself, the tears begin to fall. You sink to the ground and, taking her hand, you repeat how much sorry you are.

* * *

You're waiting for Nick to arrive. He called you when he landed, asking information about his daughter. You've tried to say it in the least painful way possible, knowing there aren't even such things as right words, having learnt that when you called Caleb. There's nothing right about this.

You walk back and forth, waiting. You can't feel anything else but the emptiness inside of you. The same emptiness that's devouring you and that's embracing you into the nothingness. You're out of breath.

"Emily!"

Your turn to see Nick. You run towards him and he takes you in his arm. You hold tightly to him, you needed someone to cling to. He kisses the top of your head and says, "Take me to my baby."

You nod and lead the way into the hospital, into Paige's room. Pru immediately stands up and steps away. You see her wiping away the tears and you pretend not to notice. You turn to look at Nick. The pain in his eyes makes you flinch. You wonder what people see when they see you. Do they flinch, too?

"We'll leave you two alone. You know, family time.", you nod at what Pru said and turn to leave.

Nick's voice call you back, "Stay. You both are part of the family. We are a family."

You smile softly, touched by his words. You feel something moving inside you, you're glad he still considers you family. You thought that his were just words.

* * *

"_Where's Paige?"_

_You look at him confused. Didn't she tell him?_

"_You don't know? We broke up months ago."_

_You figured out it wouldn't hurt so much after all this time, but you were so wrong. You look at him, he seems so confused and lost. Then it's just like realization hits him._

"_You said no."_

_It's not a question, so you don't answer and that's enough for him to know. You want to defend yourself, saying that you didn't exactly say no, that you just said 'not now', but you just don't see the point of it. You don't need him to understand, you don't need anybody to understand. The only person who you needed to understand was Paige, and she didn't. _

"_Why? I thought you loved her."_

_His accusing tone doesn't surprise you, "And I did. I do. More than anything. But love isn't enough to marry."_

_Paige is all that matters in the world, but Aria and Ezra proved you that love isn't enough to keep a marriage going. Other things are needed and you and Paige you didn't have them. You were too unstable. Marrying wasn't going to fix that._

_He nods in understanding and rubs his beard, "I'd better go and call her."_

_You nod, taking this as your cue to leave. Your mother be damned. If only she hadn't asked you to go and grab a few things from the store you wouldn't have met him. He is one of the people you didn't expect to encounter back in Rosewood. Coming to think of, you be damned. This would have not happened if you just didn't come back to visit your parents._

"_Emily...", you turn, "You still are like a daughter to me. This doesn't change anything, I hope you know that."_

_You nod and leave the store._

_Damn you. Damn Rosewood. Damn nostalgia._

* * *

You turn to look at Pru, her expression so soft and surprised. Her father left her and her mother when she wasn't born yet, so Nick's words really had an impact on her and you can understand that. Her eyes widen and she starts crying again. You and Nick share a look and both of you go and hug Pru, who relaxes on your shoulder.

This is going to be a long wait. You wonder what will be left of each of you when Paige wakes up.

* * *

You wave one last time to Pru and Nick and re-enter into the hospital. You had an hard time convincing them to go, but eventually you had been successful. Pru had to go back to her family while Nick had to rest after his long flight. You told them to go since visiting time was over and to come back later.

You sit down in front of Paige's room, head between your hands. Memories of this morning flash through your mind. It all feels like ages ago. Her hands playing with your hair. Her smile. Her lips on yours. Her laugh. Oh God, her laugh. You can hear it so clearly on your ears right now, haunting you. You miss it so much already. You miss her. You want to cry.

"Excuse me, but are you Emily?"

You look up to see a boy standing in front of you. You nod a little insecure. Who is he?

"I'm James. I was there when the lady... You know..."

Yes, you know. You know that too well. You don't answer and wait for him to continue. He sits next to you and takes a deep breath.

"Before she passed out she made me promise something in case she... She made me promise to tell you that you have to keep on breathing, that you must do that. She also asked me to tell you she's really sorry."

You stare blankly at him, processing his words. Then your eyes widen and they start to waver. In her supposed final moments she was thinking of you. Her last thought was you. You close your eyes and inhale: you'll try. You'll try to breathe. You can do anything but try. You promise her that.

You exhale and the tears that you were trying to hold back break free. You cry and cry, only Paige on your mind. You're the one to be sorry, she has nothing to be sorry for. It's your fault.

You cry in the arms of a stranger. You cry because you shouldn't be crying. You cry for Paige, for yourself, for Paige and you. You cry and you can't seem to stop.

You can't breathe and you cry. You cry because you broke the promise you've just made.

You cry and you don't stop.

You just cry.

* * *

**Author's note: **I'm terrible, I know. The story has just started and I'm already late. I'm really sorry.

I don't really have much to say, I just need to point a thing out: last chapter I said that the doctors were allowed to tell Emily about her love conditions by her parents, but I changed that. They were allowed by Nick. I guess you can imagine why. That will be explored, anyhow.

Since I can't answer to the guests through a PM, I'll do it here: thanks for the love. And don't worry, I'll never abandon this story, or anyone of mine, really.

I hope you liked the chapter, let me know your thoughts.

If I don't update it means I'm dead fan-girling about Glee, just so you know. It will be a good death, anyway.  
Seriously, I'll update when I can. Even if I let the option above very very possible.

_See you,_

_Meek._


	3. Chapter III

As always the paragraph in _italics _is a flashback.

* * *

**Chapter III**

A week has passed and nothing hasn't changed. She still is in that bed, motionless, and her condition didn't change. You're still there everyday, waiting. In the morning you get up, you prepare yourself and then you just go to the hospital until it's time to go home in the evening. The first night you fell asleep there, just sitting in front of Paige's room, after that that kid, James, left after you thanked him.

"Hey."

You look up and you see Pru, you didn't hear her enter, "Hi."

She sits in front of you, at the other side of Paige. She smiles slightly at you then her grin gets a little wider while looking at Paige.

"I went to see the principal this morning. He's giving us the rest of this week, he told me he can't do more. By Friday he wants to know if we're going back to work or not."

You nod and thank her. Right now you couldn't care less about work, but you know you should give it some thoughts.

"You know how I realized I wanted to teach?", she shakes her head and you smile softly looking at Paige, "It was freshman year of college. I wanted to surprise her by visiting, but it was actually her that surprised me. I landed, I was waiting for my suitcase when I spotted her among the crowd. We stood there staring at each other and it was like space and time didn't exist anymore. Then she smiled. And I swear to God, Pru, in that moment I just knew that I still loved her and that she still loved me, too. We were still us and we still loved each other. That was never going to change."

You smile at Paige and squeeze her hand, you're getting emotional just thinking about it.

"How did she know?"

"My parents told her. She was going to send me two ticket for a Biology exhibition in Palo Alto and she wanted to check on my parents to be sure they were okay with it. And, obviously, they were. They told her I was planning on visiting her, so she didn't send anything and she surprised me when I got there."

Pru smiles at you apprehensively and you clear your throat, adverting your eyes to the wall.

"Anyway, she brought me there. That place was huge but we managed to see all of it. We stopped in front of everything and she asked me so many questions in a childlike manner that made me wonder what she was thinking about when we studied those things at school. And that's when I realized that teaching was my way."

* * *

"_But look at it. It's just so... gross!"_

_You stare at her and pretend to be mad, crossing your arms. She pouts, even if her eyes say something entirely different._

"_Oh come on, I'm just messing with you. You're so cute when you go all like 'don't you dare to say something bad about science'. Like, really cute."_

_You blush and smile shyly. This exhibitions is amazing and you are really having fun with Paige. It seems like she never attended a Biology class and you enjoy explaining her all these things about science._

_You can't fight the urge anymore: you look at her, you bit your lip; she smiles and takes your hand; you lean in slowly, giving her time to back off; she closes her eyes; you close the distance between the two of you. She smiles again, you breathe._

* * *

"Probably you.", you look at her confused, "She was probably thinking about you. We had that class together and she would insist on sitting in the last row. Back then, I thought she wanted to avoid Alison, you know. But then that girl disappeared and Paige still wanted to be invisible. Eventually she came out and I understood why she had been picked on the previous years. And that's why I never liked you after she told me everything. I knew you made her happy, but I couldn't help but worry. She barely survived Alison, she couldn't survive you. But being with you made her more confident, stronger, so she managed to survive everytime something wrong happened."

You sniff. You don't want to cry. You remember when Paige told you everything Alison put her through, that was probably the first time you've ever hated Alison. It took Paige a long time to move on from her past, her eyes were so full of pain when she talked about it. It took her a long time to show you her battle scars, being still ashamed of them. It always saddened you, but still, those scars are part of her, they made her who she is now and you love them, too. You love all of her.

"Em, you can cry. There's nothing wrong with it."

You shake your head, "I can't."

"Why?"

Because you're the one who put her in that bed, that's why. You don't answer and you look down. Something boils inside of you. She stays silent for a few seconds before speaking again.

"You blame yourself.", you stare at her, "Why? This is not your fault, you shouldn't blame yourself."

You close your hands into fists. That something that was boiling inside of you was rage. Blind and merciless rage.

"Then who should I blame? You?", you spat, "After all she was coming to see you. You had to tell her something. See where your words got her?"

Your voice is pure venom. Each words hits her like a brick in the face. You stare at her, you eyes still filled with rage. She looks petrified and she stares back at you in horror. Then hurt covers all her face. Her entire body shakes and she nods.

"Yeah, you should."

That's all she says before leaving the room. You watch her go without saying anything, then you turn to Paige, sitting next her. The only thing you can feel right now is anger.

"Em, what happened? I just saw Pru running out of here. Caleb followed her."

You don't even look up, you just stare at Paige. You take a deep breath, "Nothing."

"Really?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Hanna.", you sigh, massaging your temples.

"Maybe it could help you."

"Maybe I don't need any help."

"Em..."

"Stop. Just fucking stop.", you lose your temper again, "Stop treating me with such care. I don't need any of you. I don't need your pity or your sympathy. I only need Paige. And she's not here."

"You know that she's always with you."

A bitter laugh escapes your lips, "Bullshit! Do you think after Alison's disappearance I didn't feel abandoned? That after Maya's death I didn't feel completely alone? They were in my mind, in my heart, but they weren't with me. And now it's just the same. Paige isn't with me."

"Emily, I..."

"Is it my fault?"

"What? Honey, no. How can you think that?"

"Think about it. Alison. Maya. And now Paige. They are the ones I loved the most. Does my love condemn those I love more than everything?"

You stare at her, waiting for an answer. She shakes her head and gets closer to you, she takes your head between her hands and wipes away your tears with her thumbs.

"Do not ever think that. They were blessed to have your love. Paige is blessed to have your love, just like you are blessed to have hers. Love is a blessing."

"And who should I blame?"

You need someone to blame, you need someone to be angry with, you need someone to yell at.

"No one. It happened, Em, accept it and move on from there."

"Then why?"

"Because life isn't fair, you know that. You just have to take advantage when life is busy with someone else."

"And it works?"

She nods and takes you in her arms, "She will be okay."

"How do you know?", you hold on to her.

"I just do."

She tries to smile behind her tears. You wish you had the same certainty, but you don't have it. You can't have it. You only have hope. You just wish it is enough. Because if it's not, you just don't know how you are going to survive all this.

* * *

"Pru, can I talk to you?"

She looks at you carefully and then she nods, you sit beside her and look at her apologetically. You had an hard time trying to find the right words to say you're sorry, but you just gave up. You figured out that it would be better if you just spoke with your heart, so that's what you are going to do. You just hope she understands.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I didn't mean any of it. It is just that I feel so angry and I need someone to blame, but that doesn't justify what I said to you. You didn't deserve that. And I'm so sorry. I just had to realize it was nobody's fault. I'm sorry I took out my anger on you. I'm sorry I said all those mean things. I'm really sorry."

The only thing that she does is nodding. A simple nod. You don't know how to feel. What does that nod mean? You open your mouth to repeat you're sorry, in case she doubts you, but she anticipates you.

"I was there, you know, when everything happened.", you froze while tears begin to fall from her eyes, "I forgot the dessert so me and Elaine went to the store to buy one and we were going back home when we heard some loud noises behind us. We turned to see what all that noise was about and I just managed to cover Elaine's eyes before a car began to flip not one, not two, but three times.", your eyes widen and you take Pru's hand, squeezing it hard, "I immediately recognized the car. I knew it was her. I just stood there with my hands over my daughter's eyes watching my best friend flipping and then hitting a tree. And I just couldn't do anything. I was like frozen. The only thing I could think was that my best was going to die, that I was there and that I didn't do anything. So you were right before, it's my fault."

You can't believe what she just said. You can't even begin to think what she must have felt in that moment. And God, Elaine was with her. That little girl was there, even if she didn't see anything. You feel horrible. You take her in your arms, hugging her close. You stroke her hair, while you start crying, too.

"No, I was wrong and I'm sorry. Please, believe me."

She doesn't say anything, she just clings tighter to you and you tighten your grip around her. You are together in this. You, Pru, Nick, Caleb and the rest of you. You are all together in this.

You both cry, but you both know you're not alone in this.

* * *

**Author's note: **I think I just have a thing for Emily and crying. I just hope that every chapter doesn't end with Emily crying. Or anyone crying, really. This was really hard to write, emotionally hard.

As you can see, I'm not dead, even if I was so close. Nothing much to say, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

To the guest who reviewed the chapter: thank you and I know, I'm very cruel.

Reviews are always welcome.

_See you,_

_Meek._


	4. Chapter IV

**Warning: **attempted self-arm. If you want to skip that part, it is the last part.

Paragraphs in _italics _are flashbacks.

* * *

**Chapter IV**

"Baby, I need you to wake up. Do you remember when we said that somehow we always find our back to each other? You have to find your way back to me, can you do that for me?"

You don't know what to do anymore, you feel like you're losing yourself. Begging her to come back seems the only thing you can do. Maybe if you continue to talk her, to beg her she'll answer.

"I'm trying to hold on, trying to convince myself that they are wrong, but it gets harder and harder day by day. So you have to wake up, prove them wrong and come back to me. I'm waiting for you to find that road that leads us to happiness, so wake up, my love."

You stare at her waiting for a sign that she hears you, for something to happen, but you get nothing. You suppose you should have gotten used not to receive an answer, but you haven't and everytime is like a stab in the heart. You're losing hope and it scares you. What if she doesn't wake up?

"I have to go to work, honey. I'll come back here right after I finish. I'll miss you and I'll think about you every single second."

You get up and leave a soft kiss on her lips. You stare at her for a few seconds, admiring her face. The scratches are all gone now, but as you predicted the one on the eyebrow left a scar. You often find yourself rubbing it without even noticing it. It is a constant reminder of what happened, of how close she was to death, of how close you were to lose her. Of how close the both of you still are.

"So this is why students never learn anything nowadays. Their teachers always think about something else."

You turn to the door and smile at Caleb, "It's kind of hard not to think about her, you know? Especially when I want to think about her all the time. But don't worry, my students learn everything they need from me. I'm pretty good at multitasking."

It's his turn to smile, "So I've heard."

He stares at you, dropping his smile. You start to feel uncomfortable. Why is he looking at you like that?

"How are you holding on?"

"I'm doing fine, all things considered."

A lie. Everything you say is a lie. Every word that comes out from your mouth is a lie.

"What about you?"

"We... I... It's hard. For all of us. And we barely see each other anymore. We are all worried."

"No need to be. It's just that everyone holds on on his own way", you need to be alone, "And as I told you, I'm fine."

"But are you?", he asks worried, "Hanna went through it as a teen. She knows when she sees it."

Your face goes pale. Do they know? No, no, you've been careful. You've done everything to hide it. They can't know.

"You can talk to her, you know? She told me she has tried to get through you, but couldn't. We all noticed you distancing yourself, we've talked about it and we..."

"Why is Hanna talking to you, instead of to me?", you ask angrily, "Why are you all talking to each other, instead of to me?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but he is cut off by Hanna entering the room. He stares at you with alarmed eyes. He wasn't supposed to tell.

"What are you talking about?"

"About work and Emily's ability at multitasking."

"I wish I had that ability.", she pouts and turns to you, "You're a teacher, you can teach me. So he can stop making fu.."

You see red. You don't care about anything anymore.

"Actually, we were talking about the way all of you seem to talk about me. All of you, but me."

You all stand there, glaring at each other. Caleb's glare is almost as powerful as the one Hanna is giving him. As the one you're giving the both of them.

"Have you told the others about it? Have you told my mother? She calls me at least five times at day, giving me the third grade."

She shakes her head, "No, I would never do that."

"Good, keep it that way."

You only give them a quick nod before grabbing your bag and exiting the room, leaving the fighting couple behind you. You hear Hanna scolding Caleb, who tries to defend himself. It is his job to take care of you now that Paige can't. Is he serious? You are more capable of taking care of yourself. You don't need him.

Soon you don't hear their voices anymore and you feel the weight you regularly carry on your shoulders returning ten times multiplied. As your turn, you meet another arguing couple. Pru and Matthew. Your eyes widen, you've never seen them fighting. You keep your head down as you try to pass unnoticed. But it is a futile try.

"Emily!"

You can't do anything but turn. He called out your name too loud for you to pretend you didn't hear him. You feel uncomfortable again.

"Leave her out of it, Matthew."

You stay silent as you just stare at them. You shouldn't interfere. He totally ignores her and he turns to you, "She doesn't listen to nor to the..."

"Stop it."

"No. You're not taking care of yourself. I won't stand here without doing anything."

"But you can't do anything."

"How can you be so selfish? It's not only about you."

You tilt your head, confused. What are they talking about?

"It's my body, my health. Stay out of it.", she turns to you, "Could you give me a ride to school?", you nod, unable to do anything else, "Thank you. I'm going to see P. Give me five minutes."

She leaves you and Matthew alone. He watches her go with broken eyes. He falls into the chair and you sit next to him. He's crying and you don't know what to do, you can only lay your hand on his leg for comfort as you wait for him to speak.

"I love her, Emily. I can't imagine living my life without her. I know this is all hard for her, but the doctors say that she's under too much stress. I told her to quit her job, just for a few months. But she's too stubborn, she may die and lose the baby and yet she insists on working. I don't know what to do anymore. Could you talk to her, please? Since the accident we grew so distant, she only talks to me when it's about Elaine. Otherwise it's like she's not with me anymore, she's too absorbed in what's happening around her. But you two grew close, you can make her see reason. Please, Emily."

Damn, the situation is complicated. She's pregnant. She may lose her baby. She may die. And she doesn't want to take care of herself. Why?

"Matt, I..."

"I know it is much to ask for, but I don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to help her myself, I've even tried to get her help, but she basically killed me with her eyes at the only suggestion. You're my last hope."

You close your eyes as rage mounts inside of you once again. How can she do this to her husband? How can she do this to herself? As you watch at your reflection on the window you can perfectly understand how.

"I'll do it."

As he goes to say something, a "Thank you" perhaps, Pru comes back. She glares icily at her husband and then she look at you.

"Shall we go?"

You nod as you say goodbye to Matthew, who looks so hopeless. You stare at Pru as you wait for her to speak to him. Second pass and she still doesn't say anything. You clear your throat and begin to walk as Pru follows behind you. The two of you do not say a word until you're long gone from the hospital.

"He told you, didn't he?"

You nod and she takes a deep breath as she nods, too. You stare at the road in front of you, thinking about what you could say.

"We are friends now, right?"

"Why would you say something so horrible, Emily?", she smiles a little unsure.

"Point taken.", you laugh and she joins you, "But you don't hate me anymore, do you?"

"I've never hated you. It's just that P always came first. She'll always come first."

You nod, "And that's more than fine by me."

"Good."

A few minutes pass before you speak again. You choose your words carefully and take a deep breath before starting.

"I want to tell you something, if you don't mind."

"Is it about what Matthew told you?", you nod, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I just want you to listen, can you do that?"

The only answer you get is a grumpy "Fine", to which you find yourself smiling. Sometimes she reminds you so much of Paige.

"I think you should give some thoughts about what he said", she snorts, "I'm not saying you should do as he says, I'm just saying: think about it."

"Why should I?"

"Because he loves you", you inhale and exhale rapidly as you park the car, "and because he may lose you and the baby."

You want to ask her why she kept this pregnancy a secret, but you don't think this is the right time to do that. You don't think you should ask her. You think you know why.

You unfasten your belt and you turn to look at her while she stares at the school entrance.

"Listen... I know what it feels like to lose someone you love with your entire being and it's devastating. It is a continuous shift between being in pain and feeling numb, there's no moment of peace. Now I also know what is like to feel someone slipping away and not being able to do anything to change that."

You make a pause to adjust your voice. Pru is now staring at you and tears begin to form in her eyes.

"I may lose Paige", it takes so much to say that, "just as Matt could lose you. The difference is that you can do something about it while me and Paige can't."

And that's what hurts the most. Witnessing it all but not being able to do anything. You can only wait.

"I know how important your job is for you, that it helps you to distract from everything that's happened. It's the same thing for me. But it's influencing your and your baby's health in a bad way. Just... think about it, okay?"

She nods and silence accompanies the two of you while you walk into the school. You take a glance at her as often as you can to see if you can understand what she's thinking about, but she seems in a world of her own, she doesn't even notice you giving her a nod before stopping in front of your classroom. You find no use into trying to catch her attention, there's nothing more you can say. You watch her go as you dial Matthew's number on your phone. He doesn't answer so you decide to send him a text, instead.

You go to open the door, only to notice it has been left ajar. You don't usually leave it open, you're afraid that some students could damage the material you leave in the closet, so you don't have to carry it around. You furrow your eyebrows and enter your classroom. You sigh in relief when you see there's no one in there, but then you notice a blonde girl sitting in the back row. Sleeping. You smile as you get closer to her. You should have recognized her sooner.

"Josephine, wake up."

You shake her lightly and she begins to open her eyes. A grim smile appears on your lips. If only it were so easy to wake Paige up. She blinks a few times, staring at you confused, before realizing where she is.

"Miss Fields! I'm so sorry! I was waiting for you and I fell asleep, but I didn't mean to, I swear."

"Hey, hey, slow down. It's okay.", you smile to reassure her, "What did you want to talk about?"

You already know what this is about, but you pretend not to. She's already more relaxed. You watch her as she tries to find the right words to say. You smile as she fumbles trying to do so.

"About the other day, when you caught us here.", you nod to encourage her to continue, "Can you please not tell anyone? Skylar is not comfortable with anyone knowing about that."

The bell rings as you nod, "Your secret is safe with me."

She smiles widely and then she hugs you while your eyes widen, "Thank you, she was so scared."

She releases you and you clear your throat while students begin to come in, "If you need someone to talk to, my door is open."

She nods happily and then her gaze shifts to someone behind you. You turn to see the subject of your conversation glaring at you. You nod at her and then you go back to your spot. You greet all your students and begin your class. You often find yourself looking at the two girls. They're arguing, Josephine probably said to her what you were talking about before and the other girl doesn't seem too pleased. She pouts innocently and Skylar melts at the sight. You look away. They're so young and so in love. They remind you of you and Paige when you were younger, so much that it hurts. You would go back to those times and just revive them, it doesn't matter if A was there, too. Those months with her were the happiest of your adolescence.

You dismiss your class and then you sit at your desk. The only students left are the two cheerleaders. You watch them as they approach you. Josephine hands you a box with a few cookies inside and smiles at you. You look at her confused.

"Lately you seem so sad", she explains as she pushes the box towards you, "They're happy cookies. Me and Skylar make them when we are sad, so we can be happy. We thought we could give them to you, so you could be happy."

"I can't accept them, but thank you."

You're really touched by their offer. And a little worried that they could read your emotions so easily. Is it really so simple to read you?

"Of course you can, they are happy cookies!"

She's just so pure and naïve that you can't help but smile. You remember the first time you and Paige have tried to make cookies. Tried is the right word. They were strangely shaped and salty. The ones that you didn't burn, of course. The memory brings tears to your eyes. But you have to control your emotions. You clear your throat as you go to answer.

"They're just cookies, Miss F.", Skylar beats you to it, anticipating your answer.

"Happy cookies", the other girl corrects, "but yeah."

"There is no hidden agenda. Just happy cookies."

They stare at you with expecting eyes. You feel pressured. You shouldn't accept them, but you can't bring yourself to disappoint the two girls, so you nod and thank them.

"Everyone should be happy."

Yes, everyone should. It just doesn't mean everyone can.

"Oh, there's something she has to tell you before we go.", she nudges her, "Come on."

"Hmm, I wanted to...", she clears her throat, "All I wanna say is thank you. For not telling anyone."

"No problem."

You watch them go and then you turn your gaze to the box. Happy cookies. You contemplate if you should eat one. Maybe it could help you. You shake your head, that's just stupid. There's nothing like happy cookies. They're just cookies. You take the box and you put it on your bag. You plaster on a fake smile as you greet the first students that comes in for the next class.

* * *

You watch at your reflection on the mirror: you've lost so much weight that you need to wear bigger clothes so nobody notices it, the bags under your eyes are so deep and dark that you need to use so much make-up to cover them. Who are you? You've become a shell of who were. You're empty, just like this apartment.

* * *

_When doctors say they need to talk to you it is almost sure that it's not going to be about something good. The slim hope you felt was immediately wiped away when you saw the look on their faces._

"_We've monitored Paige's conditions for the past month and even though at first they were promising, the situation changed gradually."_

_You all wait for them to continue. You cling onto Nick while Caleb reaches out for your hand, you look at him in the eyes and you squeeze his hand. He's lost just like you are._

"_The level of brain activity lowered down to a critical point."_

_No. No. No._

"_You will have to prepare for the worst. She may not wake up again."_

* * *

You enter the shower and you let yourself cry for the first time since you've been told she might not return to you. The tears come slowly at first, but then they are just like a river in flood. Soon they mix with the water and you can't understand if that's you crying or if it's the world crying. Maybe the world is crying with you.

* * *

_She immediately understands that your answer isn't going to be the one she was hoping for. You stare at her, you're too shocked, the only answer that escapes your lips is, "What?"_

_She reaches for her jacket and she extracts a little box from it. She stares at you while she kneels in front of you. You're paralyzed._

"_I love you, Em, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've loved you since the first time I saw you and I've never stopped. You've always been my dream. You're all I want, all I need. The air I need to breath. As long as I have you, nothing else matters."_

_As she goes to open it, you rush to cover her hands with your own to stop her, "Wait."_

"_There's no doubt in my mind: I belong with you, you are my soul mate."_

"_It's not that simple.". you say standing up as she does the same._

"_Nothing never is, but we can make it work. We always do."_

"_Marriage isn't easy."_

"_I know that, but..."_

"_And our situation isn't stable at the moment.", you reason. _

"_You're saying no."_

"_I'm not saying no. I'm saying not now."_

_She looks away, she is in the verge of crying. You take her chin and you make her look at you, "I love you, Paige, so much."_

"_Just not enough."_

_You stare at her as she puts the box on the table. She stares back at you. Her eyes show hurt, heart-brokenness, betrayal. She shifts her gaze to the box and then she leaves the room. Your eyes are fixed on your bedroom door, you are waiting for her to come out of it and to tell you that she was joking. As minutes pass, you realize that's not going to happen. You shift your gaze to the box as tears begin to stream down your face. Paige is never going to forgive you._

* * *

You tremble, you shake, you can't stop. You lean to the wall and you let yourself fall. Your lay your head on your knees, then you lose control of your body, of your mind. You reach for the razor and you stare at it, not really seeing it.

* * *

_You can see she's not happy. She hasn't been for months, since her proposal. She's trying to hold on, but you can see through her façade. You've heard her crying at nights when she thought you were asleep, you've seen her face breaking when she thought you weren't looking. The heart-break just grows day by day. You don't know what to do anymore. You've tried so hard. You've tried so much. You're going to try one more time, if she pushes you away again you're going to let her go, you'll set her free._

* * *

You've tried so many times without succeeding once. Something always stopped you, but it seems like this something is not here now. There's no stopping right now. This is you hurting. This is you not caring. This is you losing hope. This is your trying to regain hope. This is you trying to let go of all the pain. This is you trying to reconnect to Paige. This is you breaking down.

* * *

_When you heard someone knocking at the door and you went to open it, you didn't expect that someone to be Paige. A messy and a little drunk Paige. You've let her come in and you've offered her a glass of water to sober up. You've also texted Pru to come and get her home safely, since you don't have a car anymore._

"_I miss you.", she says stroking your cheek with her thumb._

"_I miss you, too."_

_You bit your lip, you shouldn't have said that. Even though it brought a wide smile on her lips, a smile you missed so damn much, you shouldn't have said that. Now she has a hope. A hope you have to crush._

"_So we can start over, right? We can be together again."_

"_No, we can't."_

"_But we love each other."_

_Her broken voice makes you flinch. She is starting to fall to pieces again, you know that, but this is the only way she can rebuild herself, broken piece by broken piece._

"_It's not enough, I'm sorry."_

_She drops her hand sharply as she loses her temper. You instantly miss the contact, you know this was the last time she would ever touch you, the last time you would see her. Your last breath._

"_Love is not enough to marry. Love is not enough to be together. Is there a thing in this damn world that makes love be enough for you to do something?"_

_She waits for you to answer as she regains control of herself. When she realizes you're not going to say anything she gives up. You can see that in her posture. She's surrendered._

"_There was a time when love mattered all to you. It didn't matter if we didn't have the rest. We had love and that was enough. When did it stop being enough?"_

_When you saw love dying, you would like to say. When you saw that love doesn't always survive life. When you saw a storm fall upon love, leaving a scorched earth around it. But you don't say anything._

"_Just admit it, Emily", she says in a defeated voice, "you don't love me anymore."_

_You stare at her shocked. Does she really think that? You thought she understood that love isn't the problem. You love Paige. She means everything to you. How can she not know? Every fiber of you shakes and wants to scream at her that you love her, that you will always love her. Yet you rebel against yourself and stay silent. This is it. This is the end. You've destroyed her. You've destroyed yourself. You lost her. You lost yourself. Her expression cuts you open. Your heart starts to bleed as it breathes for the last time._

* * *

You lay the razor on your thigh and press it on your skin. You look up to the clock. A few seconds until midnight. As you go to slide the razor, the clock strikes midnight and a new day. Five weeks without her. Five weeks since your world has come crashing down and has fallen asleep. There's no life without her. No air. Your eyes widen as you remember. What are you doing?

* * *

"_My coach would have killed me if she saw me eating all these donuts.", you laugh as she continues, "I'm serious. She would have yelled something like 'McCullers, do you want to sink to the bottom of the pool? Drop those damn donuts!' or something like that. I swear, she is crazy."_

"_She remembers me of coach Fulton. Do you remember when she caught us having that picnic?"_

_She laughs harder while nodding, "I thought she was going to run us over with her car."_

"_I haven't eaten a bar of chocolate for months. I was afraid she would show up and yell at me."_

_You both keep on laughing while you remember your misadventures together. You are so happy, you and Paige are finally together again. No more distance and no one between the two of you. These four years have been really hard, you saw each other when you could, but being with her and not really being with her, not in the way you would have liked, was something you had difficulties to handle. In these past four years your heart ached for Paige, you ached for her. But now the aching stopped. She's yours and you are hers. Just like it should be._

"_You were right. You, me, donuts and diners: there's nothing better than this."_

_She smiles and you kiss her gently and slowly. Her lips are so soft and you just melt into them._

"_Wow.", her eyes widen and a sly smile appears on her lips, "Will I get a kiss like this everytime I buy you a donut? Because if that's the case, I'm buying a dozen. Every single day."_

"_You are such a dork."_

"_But I am your dork."_

_You roll your eyes, but you can't control the smile that escapes from your lips. She's so cheesy sometimes._

"_Just kiss me, okay?"_

_She is more than happy to oblige._

* * *

You drop the razor. You always find your way back to each other, you always do. You smile as tears continue to pour from your eyes. She'll come back to you.

* * *

**Author's note: **I'm deeply sorry for the immense delay. As I said to some of you through PM, it was an heavy chapter to write, emotionally hard. Then school got in the middle, I lost my inspiration for a while and I couldn't update. I was going to update some days ago, but then I noticed some errors in the timeline (the one in my mind) and it took me awhile to get it right. That's why I never specify the date or the period. But this time it was needed, I wanted you to know the time gap. If you have some troubles or are confused about the timeline, feel free to ask.

About the chapter... Very hard to write, like I've already said. It's about Emily losing hope, remembering all the times she hurt Paige and herself, and then regaining it, remembering when they got back together after college. It's about Pru still feeling guilty for Paige's accident, not taking care of herself and not telling anyone about the pregnancy because of that. She clearly doesn't think straight right now. What did you expect Pru's revelation to be in the last chapter of _Breathing Again_? And the two girls, what do you think of them? I wanted to write a little story inside the story, so they'll make little appearances there and there. And final question: is Paige going to die?

Thanks for the reviews. Emily + crying = OTP, just so you know.  
Waiting for your thoughts.

_Meek's out._


	5. Chapter V

Paragraphs in _italics _are flashback, as always.

* * *

**Chapter V**

You wake up and instantly open your eyes. All you can see is blonde's hair. Hanna's. You smile and kiss the top of her head. You turn to the other side to get out of the bed, but you see Caleb sleeping. You ruffle his hair smiling and you try to get up without waking them up. You don't remember leaving the shower. They must have found you there and taken care of you. You smile sweetly at them and then you go to the kitchen. You prepare coffee and, while you wait for it to boil, you just look around. Your gaze lands on your bag. You see the box of cookies that your students gave you yesterday poking out of it. You reach out for it and open it. You pour the coffee in a mug and you have breakfast. You look at the clock and see that's still early. You grab another cookie before going into your room to dress. You leave a note to Hanna and Caleb saying you would meet them at the hospital and then you leave your apartment. It's a good thing you wake up first, you don't really want to discuss about last night right now.

You get on your car and drive up to Pru's street. You park the car to a side of the road and get off. You take a very deep breath and you walk to where they told you Paige had the accident. You can't completely heal if you don't face reality, if you don't face facts. You have to see where all happened to move on. You can't be stuck in the past. You can't be afraid. Not anymore.

It seems like nothing never happened, like someone didn't nearly lost her life in this road. The only proofs of the event are the skid marks. But even those are slowly fading. You kneel and trace them with your hand, closing your eyes. She's survived. She's alive. She lives. This place means nothing, because she'll come back.

You're not afraid anymore. You believe.

* * *

"This is a bit unexpected."

"I know. It's new to me, too. But I had – I don't know how to call it, a sudden revelation, maybe? – and now I'm sure of this."

"You know what it means, right?"

You nod. You do. You exactly know what it means. It means a lifetime, it means forever. And that's what you mean, what you want.

"Then...", you stare at him in anticipation, "Yes, I trust you."

Your lips break into a smile and you hug him, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"It's not me you should thank. I'm just keeping a promise I made years ago. She told me I only could give it to the one who truly deserved it. And I just had to look into your eyes to know you're that person. They were so dark, I was afraid you were losing yourself. But today... Today, they're different. They shine."

You give him an half smile, "I believe, Nick. She'll wake up."

"I suppose you know better, after all you do know her better."

"Nick..."

"No, it's okay. Well, it's not. But it is my fault. I've never been a good father. I love my daughter, Emily, but I never understood how to act around her."

"Do not say that. She knows, Nick, and she doesn't blame you. I think it's just the same for her."

"Did she say that?"

"She loves you.", you say nodding.

"I... I... Thank you, Emily. I thought she... Her mother was the one who made us sit and listen to each other. Her death broke us in more ways than one."

* * *

_You approach her slowly, giving her time to see you. She gives you a brief look, then she stares her mother's grave. You sit next to her, kissing the top of her head. You stay silent for a while, you being the one to break the silence._

"_Your father called me. He's looking for you.", she nods, "He is worried."_

"_If he came here, he would have found me."_

"_Don't be so hard on him. He's really trying."_

_She nods and closes her eyes, "Can you hold me?"_

_A small request, to which you promptly attend. She takes your hand and plays with it for a while. You simply stare at her while she relaxes in your arms._

"_My mother always liked you", you smile, "Remember the first time you came over to dinner with my parents?", you nod, "After you left, she told me not to let you get away, because the most genuine things are the most beautiful."_

"_I think we can agree on that."_

_She chuckles and nods. She turns her head towards you and stares at you, deep inside your soul. She brings your hand to her lips and kisses your fingers, "I love you."_

"_I love you, too.", you smile and she tears up._

"_Weeks before her death, she called me. She made me promise something. I thought she was just being nostalgic, so I agreed. For months I wondered what she really meant by that. And I didn't really understand it until I saw you here."_

_You look at her confused, what does this have to do with you? _

"_I promised her I would be happy", you nod, still not understanding, "Now I understand that she meant I have to be happy with you. The most genuine things..."_

"_Are the most beautiful."_

_The exact moment you complete her sentence, her lips find yours. It's just a soft and quick peck, but it says all._

"_I promise, Paige. A year, just one and we'll be together."_

"_You, me, donuts and diners?"_

_You nod and she smiles, looking away, "Can you hold me for a bit longer?"_

"_As long as you want."_

* * *

"I let my baby slip away from me, but that won't happen again. I promise."

"I know."

"I'm very happy I entrusted my baby to you, I know you'll take good care of her. You'll make her happy and that's more than I can ask. Thank you, Emily."

You smile again, eyes almost close to tears. He hands you a box and you put it in your bag. You'll take care of what's inside. He hugs you and you cling onto him. Everything is going to be okay.

* * *

You enter into the hospital with Nick and you head towards Paige's room. You stop when you see Skylar sitting in front of one of the emergency room. What is she doing here? She should be at school. Nick looks at you with questioning eyes.

"That girl over there, she is one of my students."

He nods, "Do you want to make sure everything is okay?"

"Yeah, I... Go ahead. I'll come in a bit."

He leaves and you approach the girl. You call her a few times but she doesn't to hear you. You sit next to her and ask her what has happened, she looks at you with empty eyes, but you don't get an answer. You decide to wait for her to speak. Eventually, she does.

"I know what she told to the principal, but that's not true. She fell because of me."

It takes you a few seconds to get what she is referring to and the sense of it. Josephine. You furrow your eyebrows, worried.

"What happened?"

"We...", she gulps, "We were fooling around while showering. We heard someone coming. I got scared and I gave her a little push. I wasn't able to catch her when she lost her foot, so she fell. Her shoulder may be dislocated. Because of me."

"I understand."

"That's all you have to say?", she asks angrily.

"What do you want me to say, Skylar? That you should take your responsibilities and tell the principal the truth?"

"Exactly. You're the adult here."

You raise an eyebrow, "Then go and tell him."

"What?"

"Go and tell him you're the reason Josephine got hurt. Tell him the truth."

"I...", her voice breaks, "I can't."

"You told him. You can tell him."

"It's not the same thing. You already know about... that."

"It's not wrong, Skylar", you say softly.

She snaps, "What would you know about it?"

You sigh. You really don't want to share your personal life with one of your students, but if that's the only way to help her, you'll do it. You're just supposed to teach to your students, but what kind of teacher would you be if you didn't help your students when they need you?

"Because I was in your shoes, once. And this is why I can tell it's not wrong to love her the way you do. It's not."

"That woman?", you simply nod. It seems like she saw you, after all.

* * *

_You are collecting all your things when you someone covering your eyes with her hands. You immediately recognize them. Paige's. You smile when she asks in a fake strange voice, "Guess who?"_

_You play along and pretend to think about it, "Elizabeth?"_

_She drops her hands, "Seriously?"_

_You laugh, "You had it coming."_

_She shakes her head, but smiles at you. She takes your hand and squeezes it. She slowly leans in, her lips are so close that you can feel her hot breath on your lips. She goes to close the distance when you heard the door swinging open and you put some distance between the two of you. You look at her apologetically and turn to the door. It's one of your students. Your eyes widen and you freak out internally. The girl looks to the two of you with a confused face. You clear your throat and she just points to her desk. She goes to collect whatever she's come to get and then exit the classroom, with an awkward "Goodbye"._

"_Do you think she's seen us?", Paige shakes her head, "I really hope so."_

"_I'm sorry, Em."_

_She pouts and your fear goes away, replaced with sweetness, "It's okay, just lock the door next time."_

* * *

"How can you tell it's not wrong?"

"Because I feel it", you smile, "Everytime I look at her and she smiles back at me, I feel it. Something so pure and genuine can't be wrong."

"But what if it is?"

"If I get to drown in her eyes until the end of times, I don't mind being in the wrong."

"I'm scared", she whispers.

"I know. And it's going to be hard, I won't deny it, but it will get better."

"Are you happy?"

You bit your lip, smiling, "More than you can imagine."

"Thank you, Miss F."

"Ah, don't worry."

You wave off her gratitude, she just nods and stands up. She gives you one last look before entering. You smile to yourself and get up. There's no point on waiting. You begin to walk towards Paige's room when you see Hanna and Spencer – when did she get here? – running in your direction. You smile at your two best friends, but you furrow your eyebrows when they don't smile back.

"Why didn't you answer to your phone? We called you an hundred times."

"I was talkin..."

"There's no time for it, Spence. Come with us, quickly."

"Has something happened to Paige?"

You ask suddenly worried, not getting an immediate answer from them. You urge them to answer and it's Spencer who speaks, her voice barely louder than a whisper that you think you've just imagined what she said. But the looks on their faces leave no room for imagination. It's real. You begin to run, leaving them behind. You crush into many people but you don't care. You have to reach Paige. You have to be near her. Spencer's words replay in your mind. You run against someone and fall to the ground. You're quick to get up and you start running again. You reach Paige's room. Her bed is empty. You turn on your heels and run again. You see Nick at the end of the hallway and you sprint faster towards him. He takes you in his arms as you begin to sob. Tears come crashing down as he tightens his grip around you.

* * *

"_I got the results, everything is okay."_

_You smile widely as you hug her. You were so worried about these exams, you were so preoccupied that her mother's illness was genetic, but it turns out that it isn't. You sigh in relief._

"_I still have to do check-ups from time to time, but they told me there is nothing to worry about."_

"_I'm so happy."_

_She kisses you and hugs you tighter. Her face is hidden into your hair and you don't notice the lonely tear that falls from her eyes. You don't see the strained and guilty smile on her lips. You don't understand she has just lied to you._

* * *

She told you everything was fine. She told you she didn't have any problems. She told you that her mother's cardiac problems were not genetic. She lied.

Spencer's words echo in your mind, "She is having an heart-attack."

Paige lied.

* * *

**Author's note: **better late than never, yeah?

I officially declare that the betting is on. What did Nick gave Emily?  
And well... The end of the chapter... Yeah, do not hate me.

Let me know what do you think. I know where this story is headed, but I would like to know your opinion.  
Anyway, two chapters to the end. Are you ready?

_Meek's out (and very sorry for the delay)._


	6. Chapter VI

The paragraph in _italics _is a flashba... No, wait. There's no flashback. But there's a paragraph in _italics. _What could that be?  
Sorry for the _Orphan black _reference, I just had to.  
Read the author's note, please.

* * *

**Chapter VI**

Water. Singing. Longing. Aching. Running. Cookies. Movies. 'Please, stay'. Mistletoes. Misunderstanding. Smiles. Kisses. Laughs. Confusion. Courage. Pain. Museums. Hands. Eyes. Hair. Chlorine. Acceptance. Woods. Insecurity. Understanding. Tears. Sharks. Anchors. Airports. Sadness. 'Don't go'. Dreams. Happiness. Jealousy. Fighting. Making up. Making love. Blood. Locker rooms. Tattoos. Forgiveness. 'I love you'. Swimming. Passion. Excitement. Knife. Emptiness. Love. Rain. Planning. Gifts. Donuts. Regrets. Dancing. Goodbyes. Karaoke bars. Diners. Grief. Abandonment. Joy. Blood. Exhibitions. Picnics. Caresses. Vulnerability. 'I love you, too'.

That's what flashes through your mind as you stare Paige's lifeless body. You fall to the ground. Everything was going okay. Her surgery went well, they told you that. They had to perform some kind of bypass surgery shortly after they managed to stop the heart attack, they told it wasn't the standard procedure but that it was Paige's best chance. They told it would prevent future heart attacks. You told them, you begged them to save her. The surgeon only nodded. They had just closed her up when her heart surrended again. The surgeon didn't lose any time, she immediately started performing CPR on Paige. She's looking at you now while doing so, her eyes tell you to stay strong. You can only shake your head as she looks away.

"Emily, look at me, look at me", you do as he says, "Don't you dare to lose hope now, do you hear me? Don't you dare. You made me believe, okay? So just... not lose hope now."

You shift your gaze again, fixing it on Paige and in that moment you hear a small _beep_. Then another. And another one. And many others. You search for the surgeon's eyes. You need to know. She nods and you smile in relief. As Nick takes you in his arm, so happy that his baby made it, you start crying. She's alive. And you can breathe.

* * *

"You had me so worried, love. When your heart stopped... Twice... I thought... I thought I was going to lose you", you stroke her hand with your thumb, "Why did you lie?", you wipe out the tears with your other hand, "No more secrets, remember? We've promised that. We promised we would never keep secret from the other. So why did you?"

You wait a little while you stare at her. You stroke her hair and adjust a strand that falls in her face. Then you lay your hand on her cheek. You relax. It's all okay now. She's safe.

"Nevermind. You still owe me explanations, but for now I'll let it slide", you smile at her, "You're alive, this is all that matters. Do you want to gossip? It's been awhile, it's never just the two of us lately. So we'll treasure these minutes, I promised your dad not to steal you", you chuckle, "Anyway, you wouldn't believe what happened the other day, I met your co-workers and..."

You talk and talk, stopping every now and then, trying to create suspense and then you burst out laughing, imagining the face would be wearing if she could really hear you.

"Oh, I also met Mister Sadler this morning. He told me to tell you he's sorry he can't come to visit, but lately his legs are hurting 'like a bitch'. His words, not mine", you laugh, "He told that he used some pick-up lines you suggested him and that they worked, he wanted me to tell you and to thank you. But, Paige, really? 'Am I dead, angel? Cause this must be Heaven'? 'Good thing I brought a map, 'cause I just got lost in your eyes'? I've always known you were a dork, but those lines are so damn cheesy."

You laugh again and you see a corner of her mouth crack into an half smile. You immediately freeze and stare at her. Did she smile? Or did you just imagine it? You look at her for a few seconds to understand if she really smiled, but she's motionless. You sigh. It was just your imagination.

"I'll see you later, love. Visiting time is almost over, and I want you to see your dad, okay?"

You kiss her hand a few times before exiting the room. You smile at Nick as he passes beside you to get in. Everything is going to be fine, you can feel it in your bones. You join the others and you tell them again not to worry, that Paige is fine when they bombard you with the same question. She is going to be okay. They all smile in relief and you hug each other. Only then you notice that someone is missing, but Caleb distracts you.

"Did the surgeon say anything?"

"Well, Paige will be in observation for a few hours, then they'll take her in her room. She told us that her brain activity has returned to its normal level, so there's a chance she might wake up in a few hours or days. We have to speak to her, to touch her, to do everything we can to encourage her."

They nod, smiling. Nobody wants to think about the other possibility. What happens if those few days pass and nothing happens? You shake your head. You also don't want to think about that. You smile again, to no one in particular, and sit next to Spencer.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm happy to see you, too."

You shake your head and laugh, "That's not how I meant it. I'm happy to see you and you know that."

"Yeah, I know. I was just teasing you", she smiles, "Well, Paige's birthday will be in a few days, so me and Toby thought to come here."

You nod, "Where is everyone?"

"I forgot you didn't know", you frown, "Pru felt sick. She fainted while they took Paige to the OR", you go to speak but she cuts you off, "She was there when Paige, well, you know... It may have been a little too much for her in her state. She is fine, and so is the baby. Toby is with Pru and Matthew. He came here to tell us before you exited Paige's room. So don't you worry, okay?"

You sigh in relief and nod at her. You should go and see her. This is the second time she almost saw her best friend dying. You massage your temples to relax yourself when you hear someone calling you so you look up.

"Need Hanna's magic hands? Uhm, not like that", you laugh, "I may have been curious in the past", you raise your eyebrows, "I mean, look at you, can you blame me? But I didn't..."

"Okay, Hanna. I think everybody here gets it", Spencer interrupts her, with a smile on her lips.

Hanna smiles at her and then turns to you, awaiting for your answer. You only shake your head and smile. She shrugs, "Suit yourself, your loss."

You laugh along with Spencer, "What world would it be without Hanna?"

"A boring one, for sure."

* * *

"Pru, they're gone, you can talk to me now. Don't keep everything bottled up inside, okay?"

She nods and you wait for her to speak. You don't want to push her, so you just say silent. She looks at you and you flinch for what you see in her eyes. You take her hand and hold it tight.

"Yeah, it was just... It remembered me of the accident. I revived it all over again. It was terrifying."

"She's okay now, yeah? She's out of danger and her conditions are improving."

She smiles and then looks at your hands. She takes a deep breath, "I can't keep those images out of my head, Emily. I know she's fine, but they don't go away. No matter how hard I try to get them out. I don't know what to do and I'm sorry to lay it out all on you, but Matthew... He is too worried, he wouldn't understand."

You stroke her hand and chose your words carefully, "It's okay, you know I am here for you. But Pru... Have you thought about going to see a therapist?"

She nods, looking away, "After our talk yesterday, I thought long and hard about it and I realized that you and Matthew are right. I called a friend who went to one of those. He gave me the address and the number. I have an appointment tomorrow, but I... I'm afraid."

"You could ask Matt to accompany you."

"No, no. I don't want to disappoint him if I ran away last minute. Could you come?", your eyes widen, "That's foolish. I'm sorry. I don't know what..."

"It's okay. I'll come."

"Seriously?", you nod, smiling, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Why did it take all these years and this shit to become friends?"

"Oh, so we're friends now?", you smirk.

"Shut up, Fields."

* * *

"A few days have passed, but her conditions are the same. Slightly better. So there's nothing to worry about, oui? Keep on doing what I said, okay?", you and Nick nod, "Bien sûr. Have a good day."

You leave the room and you direct to Paige's room. She has been moved back there two mornings before, to everybody's relief.

"I didn't realize she was French."

"I think that the surname was already a give-away, Nick", you smile.

He rubs his bears and repeats the name a few times, then he nods, persuaded. You shake lightly your head, smiling as you follow him.

"When are your parents supposed to arrive?"

"They told me the flight has been delayed, so I don't really know. Maybe Aria will arrive first."

"I understand. Have you told them? I can't wait to hear your mother saying that she was right from the start, that she and Wayne knew better."

"You didn't believe we would be back together?", you ask while shaking your head, answering his question.

"I just want her to be happy, no matter who stands by her side. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy it's you. You're my babies. But it's her that always thought and hoped it would be you. She thought you were meant to be."

You smile, "I only wish she was here to see it."

"She already knows. She watches us from up there", he smiles sweetly and then continues, "One time I asked her why, I just couldn't understand why she was so sure you were the one for our baby. She told me that she never saw Paige smile the way you make her smile. That the most genuine things, she said, are..."

"The most beautiful, yeah."

He smiles proudly at you and then says, "You should open that box."

You look at him confused, but he only winks and walks away. You do as he says and, beside another smaller box, you find two piece of paper. You take them and look at them. One it's addressed to Paige, so you put it pack at its place and open the other. Your eyes widen and fills up with tears.

_Dear you,_

_I don't know who you are, but if you are reading this letter it means that my husband trusts you and that's enough for me to do as well. It means that you love my daughter to the point of wanting to spend the rest of your life with her. It means that you know how important this ring is to her and that's why you've asked for it. _

_Paige is a complicated quiet soul, always been. And I think that's the most endearing thing about her. She's so complicatedly simple and genuine. I couldn't be more proud of my baby even if I tried. She is strong and determined. So stubborn and competitive. Sometimes too much. She takes that from her father. She wears her enormous heart in her sleeve, she's so kind. But sometimes she's too unsure, too doubtful. Be her anchor, please. And let her be yours. She'll treat you as her greatest treasure, for that is what you are to her. Take care of each other and be happy.  
_

_Perhaps you are wondering why I'm writing all these things. Honestly, I don't know either. Maybe I just want you to know me. To know I love my daughter. To know that if I had the pleasure to meet you, I would have loved you, too. I want you to know that I love you, whoever you are._

_Good luck and goodbye._

You put it down and stare at the wall with teary eyes. You'll take care of Paige. You'll be her anchor. You promise.

* * *

"Are you avoiding me?"

You sigh, "Kind of", he stares at you, "Just ask, Caleb."

"Why?"

"Because I felt alone. Because I felt empty. Because I didn't feel Paige. I was trying to... I don't know, reconnect with her? I know it was wrong, that's why I didn't do it, okay? You don't need to worry about me anymore, Caleb. I know you feel like it's your job, but you don't have to. It was a moment of weakness, which will never repeat again."

He nods, "So, I've keeping it, you know. Because I wanted you to throw it away. So we can forget this and move on. What do you think? Is it stupid?"

"No, it's not. Thank you, Caleb."

"Let's go."

* * *

"I was hoping to see you. I wanted to see how you were."

"James, hey. Everything is good. What about you?"

"I'm good. How is she? I heard something, but nothing specific. Just some rumors among the patients."

"You work here? She's fine. It has been... hard, but I'm confident, she'll wake up soon."

"I'm very happy to hear it", he smiles widely and his smile is contagious, "Too young to work, I'm a sophomore in college. I volunteer here when I can."

"That's good."

"About that, I gotta go. I'm very glad I saw you."

He starts to walk away but you stop him, "Thank you. I've been told the whole story and you bought her time. Thank you, James."

"That's nothing. Everyone would have done it. Bye, Emily."

No. Not everybody would have. You wave at him as he exits the room. That kid is a very good guy. You resume your position beside Paige. You lay your head on her chest and inhale softly. You smile as you feel her doing the same as you intertwine your hands. You yawn.

"In these weeks, I thought a lot about the past, you know? But I also thought about the future, like a lot", you exhale, "Do you remember when we wanted to have the same tattoo done? We went there to get tattooed and then we both chickened out. We'll get it, when you wake up. A little anchor. Just like we wanted some years ago, yeah? And then we'll be stuck with each other. Settling down. Marrying. Children. A puppy, if you want that, too. How does it sound? Is that okay for you, my love?"

You're about to fall asleep when you hear a broken and barely audible whisper that gets your eyes wide open, "Yes."

* * *

**Author's note: **Sooo, I think it ends right here. Yup. Not joking. I know I said that there were two more chapters, but it just feel right to end it here. At the end of _Breathing Again, _I've said that first and last chapters don't need a flashback in my opinion. And this chapter needed no flashback. So, here it ends. I also kinda said that I don't like open-endings, but this can be one, you know? And I like it this way, so I take back what I said, I like some open-endings. It can be true or it can be Em's imagination, again. Or maybe we can create two different parallel universes. How cool that would be? Anyway, I know that some story-lines are unfinished, but it kind of gives a sense of continuity beyond the story. About the ring thing, I thought I was being subtle, but after some of you got it right, I re-read that part, and realized that that was a big fail. Damn.

I have an important question, like really important: since I've found myself in one of them (and you should know who), to which character I gave the better introspection in your opinion?

Thank you for all the support you gave me and to this story. Really, thank you. Let me know what you think.

See you in the Paily world. Spread the #Pailylove, guys. Always.

_Meek's out._

_#Pailyrocks #PailyAnchors_


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